First, I apologize because I barely have had enough time last night to listen to a song which I'm about to post today. My work was increasingly agitating nowadays that I was so tired when I got back home. So, I ended up sleeping and dreaming and woke up this morning with so many things around my head...Yes, just like the Saturn's ring.
This is an article I submitted for our literary journalism of our school paper way back when I was a junior high student. So, I was not very good at it before because my expertise was on news writing. See, I'm the senior news editor during my time, heh. It was a ton of hard work, but it ended up being written forever on my old journal as it was rejected by our adviser saying, "You should stick to your thing. You'll get confused if you'll write more like this. News and Literary are not the same..blah blah blah" It's a long conversation actually and I won't bore you with all the gory details.
I was browsing my journal last night and I saw this...thought I should post it on my blog. But so sorry, because my writing before wasn't intended for professional level. It was just really personal to me. I happened to know a girl whose caught up in a bit difficult situation. Her story somehow made me sad.
I am sitting in our living room talking to my friends on the phone. It was all of a sudden that I remember this girl who used to be my classmate until my sophomore days. I recall how brave she was but when it comes to lizards and heights, men it's a different story. I get frustrated at times when she saw an unmoving lizard from a distance because she's not the typical person who will react too soon, she's just quite for a moment. And then when you least expect it and you're not ready to cover your ears, that's when she'll screams... gahhhhhh the most obnoxious sound I'd ever heard.
But seriously, if you look in a broader sense, she's the most valiant human being ever graced into my life. I'm talking about the way she deals on her life with a not-so-pleasant unending agony. I look up to her as an inspiration. I knew just few about her, for the reason that she was so tight-lipped and doesn't want to give away what she feels, but I think there's nothing more important than what I've learned from her. Alright, she's not a teacher and she doesn't like the sound of being one...it's not her dream definitely.
We've known each other since we've got our own-working-minds, though I never saw her sad. She's that person who hates being unhappy and well, she kinda reminds me that all the time. But I admit, I'd saw her crying twice...and it just automatically alarms me because I know there's something that bothers her. I just have the gut feeling and normally when it's like that, the sense becomes real like I have an ESP.
I finally realized that the saying is true. Technically not everyone consider it's so knocking true, it's just the product of my what so called invented-quote-making-mind. "Cheerful persons are deep. But behind them there is some kind of pain. And all that's left to do is to be happy the best they can be. Smile when you feel like crying. Act like you're okay. There's nothing else you can do. It's easier than explaining why you're sad." But of course, you may wonder, because you're a normal person who doesn't feel like you're going to die anytime soon, that there is so much more to do. But you're not one of them, so you wouldn't possibly understand.
I can sense it though she never admit the real score behind her unending problem...what's bothering her everytime I caught her on a stage of -in-deep-thought. I'm scared at times when she's talking about life as if she'll gonna die any time soon.
Her favorite line that I can't get off of my mind is: "You know, there are billions of people living in this world but they are just categorized into two...whether they are unknown to you or known by you since you've gained your life. You just don't understand what they all feel. It's either they wishes they have everything or hopes they don't have. You desires more from life, don't you? Me? I want nothing but to live." Her gazed at me was everything I wanted to know. I knew it. I already got the answers why she's acting like that.
Then, she'll add more. "I've noticed you're complaining about everything that are so ordinary. Stop doing that. You're lucky you don't have bizarre dilemma. You'll never know someone's may be wishing in your place." Yes, bring on the waterworks. This time she really made me cried while she's still talking.
Then, one time, she a made a letter for me and I think for others, too. Okay, at first it sounds like her old self, a typical happy-go-lucky I've known. But then at the middle of her letter, she finally admit that there's something about her...something we shouldn't dare to ask...that's her request. For the nth time, I feel scared for her but it's just an initial effect. Later I realized I'm admiring her for being so fearless, for facing the reality that life is just mysterious that you don't know what's destined to be. I admire her for not asking why. I never heard that word from her. It's the same thing as if "why" was invented for immature persons.I never heard anything from her since then. Her family moved to Canada. So I barely know if the girl I used to know before was still living. But it would take a lot to bring this girl down.Finally, someday, when all I can remember was her, I want to keep on my mind this girl as the the one who always smile even when her all-inside is falling apart...the one who can always brighten up a day even if she couldn't brighten her own.
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